Letters to a friend...




THIS PAGE HAS MY WRITINGS FROM MAY TO AUGUST,2005.
MY WRITINGS SINCE THEN ARE POSTED AT:

A Curious Mind W(o/a)nders...- http://ayanwonders.blogspot.com/

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Epitaph

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Ok, this blog has 98 posts (including this one) and deserves an epitaph.

Well, last night was another almost sleepless night trying to figure things out which, though clear in parts, wasn't somehow clear as a whole.
And then in the early morning something struck - it was something I came across - and then just couldn't help laughing, a long bout of hearty laughter and everything had fallen into place.


Epitaph to "Letters to a friend"

In retrospective, maybe a trigger wasn't even necessary for me to come to this decision to stop writing this blog, or put in another way, maybe I was looking for a trigger.
For a long time had been troubled by the fact that while writing this blog had caused a delving into many thoughts which I might otherwise have avoided and a thorough shake-up of many assumptions of my existence which I had taken for-granted,
there was no change in the conditions of my real-life existence.
The mismatch was getting starker and starker by the day and despite some feeble attempts, was unable to change either, the condition of my existence in the real-world or the fascination for that feeling of complete joy and liberation when publishing those posts on the blog. Given my nature things had to come to a head.

Who was that friend in 'Letters to a friend'?
There were some comments, many mails, and some feed-back in person, mostly from friends I knew well and some from people I had never met. Most assumed that they were the friend I was referring to, or that they were atleast representatives of the general class of friends I was writing to.
But throughout, that friend to who I was trying to reach out was me, myself. I could be a 'he' in one poem or a 'she' in another or a 'he' and 'she' together in some other, or anything else which came to my mind. There could be narrations of incidents or dialectical insights, yet all the time it was my view, irrespective of whether it was right or not. And while sometimes they were deeply held beliefs, at other times they could be an impulsive interpretation of a situation which touched me.

I rarely replied to comments, it was no use, there was no point of reference. One could hardly understand the full meaning of what I was trying to convey without knowing me completely as a person and even then it wouldn't be possible. And on a few occassions when I did, there were obvious difficulties.

Another confusion was the reason why there were no links to other blogs on this blog though I read quite a few blogs regularly. Well again, this blog was about me, it began and ended with me, that was all. There was no other reason, no disrespect intended.

And how do I confront when something turns out to be very unlike what I expect it to be? Again, there is no second or third party involved, irrespective of the situation. It's a search for gaps in me, a deep introspection to understand clearly. The only way I know of changing the world is by changing myself. And this periodic re-look into all my assumptions is necessary, given my independent nature.

When I had decided to close my previous blog "in search of the truth", I had been looking for a different blog hosting service to start my "letters to a friend". None were upto the mark so had to settle down with blogger again.
Will be taking a hiatus from blog-writing now.
If I decide to write again, it could be something completely different or maybe just the same but there will be another attempt to move to a different blog hosting service. Will post the link if and whenever that happens.

"Letters to a friend" has served its purpose well.
Goodbye to a friend I had through 98 posts.

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